I've decided to call off the "Boyfriend Search." I canceled my Match.com subscription, as I have experienced a complete shift in attitude - Single Is Good...at least for now. I love coming and going whenever I want. I love my money. I love spending time with whomever I want. I love the fact that I can stay out until 4am or get into bed at 8pm on Saturday night - and not feel guilty about it. I love not answering to anyone.
I have also had some strange encounters with "married people" lately. To be completely honest, these episodes have freaked me out...bad. Oddly, I've had several individuals approach me with stories of their unhappy situations in the past few weeks. I've heard from a man who feels stagnant and stuck...so much so that he is planning a vacation while his wife is working out of town...she doesn't even know. I've talked to a woman who does not want more children...her spouse does. I've spoken with a friend who is planning to jet once he finishes with law school. Yep...all of that scares the crap out of me.
With a few exceptions, most married people I know confuse me and/or make me sad for them. I am not naive to the fact that every relationship will experience it's trials and hardships, but it sometimes seems like too much. In no way do I mean to dis the married folk. I have much respect for those who do it happily. Right now, I'm just not ready or willing to try.
I think the marriage thing is so incredibly hard. I mean, if you don't find just the right person for you...like down to the last detail, you're potentially screwed. Sure, some people can make it work. Some are even willing to settle and just deal. Not me...not for a second...I simply can't do it. My position comes partly from the fact that I was married once. Being married made me want to be single in every aspect of the word. I'm sure my outlook will change if I meet "the one." For now though, I'm good. I may go on dates, but that is all it will be - a date. I am going to spend my time doing things I love...and soaking up my single-hood.